Written by Sue Dyer, Founder, IPI
In construction, we measure success in concrete deliverables: schedule adherence, budget performance, and quality metrics. Yet the most powerful tool for achieving these outcomes costs nothing and requires no special equipment—the ability to ask good questions. According to the Construction Industry Institute, poor communication contributes to 57% of project failures, while effective partnering can reduce change orders by up to 40%. The difference often lies not in having the right answers, but in asking the right questions.
Beyond the Defensive Response
Too often, project conversations become exercises in position defense rather than problem-solving. When a contractor asks, "Why didn't you catch this in design?" or an owner demands, "How could costs increase this much?" the natural response is defensive. These questions, while understandable, create adversarial dynamics that shut down collaboration before it begins.
The challenge isn't that team members don't communicate—it's that they talk at each other rather than with each other. Each party advocates for their position without truly understanding the constraints, pressures, and perspectives driving other stakeholders' decisions. This leads to what partnering experts at the International Partnering Institute call "listening to reply" instead of "listening to understand."
The Anatomy of a Good Question
Effective questions in construction partnering share three characteristics: they seek understanding rather than assignment of blame, they explore the "why" behind positions, and they open pathways to collaborative solutions.
Consider the difference between "Why is this late?" and "What challenges are you facing that we might help address?" The first question implies fault and triggers defensiveness. The second acknowledges complexity and invites partnership. Both seek information, but only one builds the foundation for co-creation.
Good questions also demonstrate curiosity about constraints and motivations. Instead of "Can't you just expedite delivery?" try "What would it take to accelerate this timeline, and what trade-offs would we need to consider?" This approach recognizes that every stakeholder operates within real limitations—budget constraints, resource availability, regulatory requirements, or organizational policies.
Questions That Build Bridges
The most powerful partnering questions help stakeholders step into each other's shoes. Project managers should regularly ask: "From your perspective, what does success look like on this project?" or "What concerns keep you up at night about this phase?" These questions reveal underlying priorities and fears that rarely surface in status meetings.
When conflicts arise, resist the urge to immediately solve. Instead, ask: "Help me understand how this impacts your ability to deliver" or "What options have you considered, and what makes those challenging?" These inquiries transform adversaries into advisors, creating space for team members to share not just their positions, but their underlying interests.
From Understanding to Co-Creation
True partnering occurs when teams move beyond understanding different perspectives to jointly crafting solutions that work for everyone. This requires questions that explore possibilities: "What if we approached this differently?" or "How might we redesign this process to address everyone's concerns?"
The construction industry loses approximately $177 billion annually to poor project performance, much of it attributable to communication breakdowns and adversarial relationships. Yet research consistently shows that projects using “formal partnering” approaches achieve better outcomes across all performance metrics.
Implementing the Question Advantage
Start small. In your next project meeting, replace one accusatory question with a curious one. Instead of asking who's responsible for a problem, ask what factors contributed to it. Rather than demanding explanations for delays, explore what support might accelerate progress.
The goal isn't to avoid difficult conversations—construction projects will always face challenges. The goal is to approach those challenges as partners rather than adversaries, using questions as tools for understanding rather than weapons for blame.
When project teams master the art of asking good questions, they transform conflicts into collaborations and problems into opportunities for innovation. In an industry built on relationships and trust, this may be the most valuable skill a project manager can develop.
Ready to strengthen partnering skills across your organization? Join the International Partnering Institute to access proven frameworks, best practices, and a community committed to collaborative project delivery. You can join IPI here.
